have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
