I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
