P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
