My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
