Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
