if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
