he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
