i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
