I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
