can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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