Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize