She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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