Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
