I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
