if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
