Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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