My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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