I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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