That's intense
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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