Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
