just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
