I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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