Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
