the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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