He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
