cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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