school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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