Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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