I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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