Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
