Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
