You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
