i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
