So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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