"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
