I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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