I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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