She said her name was "party"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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