I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
