i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
