69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
