just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
