i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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