So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
