she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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