Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
