I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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