Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
