addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
