so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cops high fived after they tackled you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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