Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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