i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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