I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
