Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
