Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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