I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
