I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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