omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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