btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
