just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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