he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
