Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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